The Magic of Rebel Yell.

The Rebel Yell Nation is known for many things, it's Space Program, The National Moustache Museum, The Worlds Largest Hammer, etc.

A true national monument.

But I bet you didn't know Rebel Yell is home to some of the most amazing magicians of all time.

With names like Gremlin Gates, Pazuzu, John 'The Magician' Smith (one the most creative and exciting magicians of all time, R.I.P, keep on chasing rainbows) and The King of the Wizards all residing here. It's no wonder that on the underground magician scene they call this place the 'Rebel Yell Nation'.

 

A brief history of Magic in Rebel Yell Nation.

In the early years of the Rebel Yell Nation any one found or believed to be practising magic was burned at the stake and had their ashes thrown into a swamp.

It wasn't until Sir. I. C. Nowe discovered that behind all this 'magic' was just sleight of hand and trickery, that the burning and ash-swamping law was changed. Now anyone found or believed to be practising is just avoided.

The burnings were quite the spectacle, often they would make the magicians wear a silly hat for more laughs.

Famous Magicians.

Rebel Yell, after the magician burning law was changed, became a quite famous for it's magicians when John 'The Magician' Smith burst onto the scene with his Coin-in-my-pocket trick, in which he would astound audiences by putting his hand into his pocket and removing a single coin. He would perform this on street corners to groups of people until he was found by entertainment manager Nerben Blampin, who despite his made up name, managed a few popular acts around Rebel Yell. It wasn't long before John Smith was performing in front of crowds of 10 or more. He had a large repertoire of magical tricks, but his signature was always his classic Coin-in-my-pocket trick, which to this day, knowboady can work out how he did it.

Out of his pocket! Can you believe it?

However, John Smith wans't the only famous magician to call Rebel Yell home, as previously mention Gremlin Gates, Pazuzu and The King of the Wizards all lived and worked in Rebel Yell. 

Gremlin famous for his dissapearing-pants routine, Pazuzu, his ability to drive manual cars without a license and the King of the Wizards famous for his work in the superb rock band, Sorcery.

The King of the Wizards mid-performance.

Magic has had a long and charred history in The Rebel Yell Nation, and it will has a longer future, unless of course another burning-magicians law is passed, and we can only hope.

Thanks for reading, 

Rebel Yell - Firearms, Alcohol, Tobacco and Magician History dept.


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Meat! a few things you may not have known!!!

Once upon a time meat was unknown to the average Joe, like fulfilled election promises it remained but a rarity, a romantic idea that few ever saw become reality.  The history of how meat came crashing down onto the peoples plates in a bloody and glorious mess is an epic tale of revolution, both political and industrial.

Chicken Nuggets

You might have even forgotten about them but don’t worry they are here to stay.

Once upon a time chicken was spread uselessly around the bones of stupid and weak flightless birds such as chickens. It was Sir Adam McNugget, in 1805, who had the idea of compressing this ridiculous animal in to manageable bite sized holocaust. The story goes that when Sir McNugget thought it would be funny to put his most disliked factory laborer’s hand in some machinery it tore it into chunks that were easy to consume. The poor and starving laborer would testify to this later having been interviewed years after.  ‘I didn’t have any food, and there were these bits of my hand, slightly cooked by the machinery, it didn’t even matter that it consisted mainly of veins and pulpy flesh, in fact, that’s where all the charm was,’.

Sir McNugget immediately changed his Victorian chimney sweep factory into a streamlined chicken slaughter-fest, the rest as they say… is history.

Parmigiana

The story of how an Italian sauce found itself vomited upon ever corner pub side walk in the world.

It was when Sicilian born Salvatore Parmigiana killed all five of his thoroughly annoying sisters that he was sentenced to 3 weeks in prison, a sentence that he served four days of before making parole. Upon returning to his family home he saw that nobody had cooked him dinner, his mother was sick and the other women were dead. Having no experience in cooking he immediately killed every animal on the family farm as he could not decide which one would taste best, also he was Sicilian. After chopping each animal up into manageable sizes he poured a combination of canned tomato, garlic and cheese on top. When the police chief popped in, as he often did, he was invited to choose from chicken, beef or state witness Parmigiana. The rest as they say… is history.

Fish.

A chilling example of what can happen if all food came from the sea.

The fish is a cruel mistress, one minute it’s beer battered and sitting next to a soon to be tipped vat of salt, the next it’s standing in the way of your burger on good Friday, daring you to defy its indecipherable tradition. But few people know that fish comes from the sea, a place where, as far as our research can tell, has little in the way of cattle or guiness. Fish can also be found in Sushi but our research has also shown that you can’t enjoy sushi unless you are female or a male that wears a scarf.

The Burger

Scientists aren’t the only thing pilfered from Germany by the U.S

Everybody knows that the Third Reich was developing Hamburgers from the late 20s but the technology was impotent without American based sauce technology. When Professor Von Straussengerman fled war time Germany to escape prosecution at the hands of rationing. Hitler had ordered that only so much meat be allocated to warm sandwich based research, knowing his life’s research could be destroyed the professor contacted MI6. Immediately recognizing the potential power of such a device MI6 had him flown to a secret research centre in the U.S. When the burger hit American shelves the war was virtually over for the axis powers not having realized the commercial potential of such a thing.

More to follow!

What's so special about Newton?

Sir Issac Newton, he was a English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian (according to wikipedia anyway.) 

He is most commonly known for his discovery of gravity and his laws of motion.

Well, so what.
People praise him like he invented gravity, and many people actually think he did, but all he did was give something a name.

Gravity always existed, it wasn't like people were just floating around pre-5 July 1687, that's when he published Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, in which he first discussed gravity. 

I'm aware the book discussed a few thoeries and such but did it have to have such a pretentious name, I mean what's wrong with Isaacs big book about stuff he reckons, it's almost as long and doesn't make him sound like such a jerk.

By now you're probably thinking;
"Well, sure, I guess he didn't really 'discover' gravity, but look at his laws of motion or all the other good work he did."


Well his laws of motion were more of the same! Just naming stuff that happens that nobody else cared enough about to give names to. Then drew a few formulas.


"So    and that's how the laws of motion work!"

Pfft, get stuffed Isaac, you jerk!


  And that's gravity... apparently!



What a jerk!

And as for his other stuff he did! Well I don't really know what else he did, hang on a tic while I look at wikipdeia for a bit.
Take look at the pretentious bastard while you wait.

Sure he had a formula for everything, but check out that beak!

Here's something  I bet you didn't know, he was born prematurely, he was a small child; his mother Hannah Ayscough reportedly said that he could have fit inside a quart mug! That's only about 1.1 litres! Yeah, that's right, your hero was a tiny weak child at one point. What he was doing inside of quart mugs is anyones guess, mine is that it was for some sleezy reason.

He was also once engaged in his late teens to a Miss Storey, but what happened of that? Who knows, I bet he broke the poor gal's heart. Some genius, sounds like a cold-hearted prick to me.

He never ended up married, believed to be asexual. Too good for anyone else by the sounds of things.

Theory of gravitation, 

Theory of colour binomial theorem, 

Theory of finite differences, 

Theorem of revolving orbits, 

Theory of the Moon's Motion

and many more.

He sure had a lot of theories but have at look at his hair! What a douche.

You couldn't theorise that rug pretty!

So in short, Sir (how pretentious) Isaac Newton, is a big jerk. 

I've no doubt opened your eyes about this fraud. Fraudulent in the way that he is made to look like a hero, but is really a bell-end, not in the way that he stole other peoples ideas (but he probably did.)

There.

The internet is a horrifyingly big thing, it exists as a law unto itself and is made of nothing. Where else can you win money by jerking off or read about the philosophy of existence while not realizing that the internet is a perfect case in point as to why things that don't exist can indeed be real... while jerking off.

But Rebel Yell does not want it's glorious citizens getting lost out there, because if you do you will be stuck in a world of readers digest (we mean poo) and incredibly unqualified medical advice.

WHEN ENTERING ONLINE COMPETITIONS 

Here's a golden rule! if it asked for your mobile number, the texts will cost you money! 

Instant Prize Draw = sign up to a monthly subscription!

10 chances to win! = thats ten out of the entire population of the internet, good luck tiger!

15 minute survey! = until you get to the end when you have to force nine friends to partake the same survey at gunpoint! oh and then sign up to one of these offers!

WHEN RESEARCHING FOR ASSIGNMENTS...

Remember to get your facts right, yes we all know Wikipedia can be inaccurate but for god's sake it better than http://www.conservapedia.com. Our point is there are heaps of holocaust deniers out there who just love posting misleading information.

WHEN LOOKING FOR ILLEGAL COPIES OF MUSIC

If Jimmy Page, Lady Ga Ga, Tom Jones, Nick Cave and Alfred Hitchcock all did a version of Smoke on the Water (apparently by ZZ Top) you would hear about it in the news I am sure. So when your on Shitwire remember that if a group ensemble looks unbelievable than it is. Also if it claims that Frank Sinatra has loud orgasm and is only 12kb you know that it is not a song but a filthy virus. 

WHEN SEARCHING FOR LIVE FOOTAGE OF YOUR FAVORITE BAND

Yes YouTube may have a good copyright protection system but it doesn't have an absolute fuckwit system. It will allow countless meat headed camera phoners to upload their incredibly  disorientating footage of your favorite band singing fuck knows what for only one minute and thirty seconds. Make sure you have the sound down because all you will hear is the biggest tool in the audience going metal in what sounds like a snow storm.

A Graph of Being Five

R-MART products that save you money!

New R-Mart products to keep you content in your studies/desk job/prison cell.

Are your emotions getting the better of you?
why not try our new Emo-Bottle, it works like a genie except you put your wishes IN and they never come out again!
 Is your desk job making you want to put a hole punch to your throat? Why not put that feeling in a bottle and kind of forget about it?
Do you like a fellow student but have a small penis/infected vagina? why not put your love in this bottle until it festers into some kind of psychological disorder that plagues you in your sleep?
The Emo-Bottle keeping your feelings... away. $67.99

This just in: Jesus Clash

Jesus Christs scheduled return to earth in 2012 has clashed with that of the Mayan predicted 'end of the world'. It's feared that the 'end of the world as we know it', as sung by R.E.M, will over shadow the famous prophets return.

"I'm pretty pissed off about the whole thing." Said the holy carpenter.

"I've had this tour planned for thousands of years now, but I guess there's some things you just can't plan for."
Despite the expected destruction of earth, the son of God has stated he will not be canceling any of his shows.

"I just can't let my fans down." Said Jesus. It was said to be Christs most ambitious return yet, bigger and better than his last. However with the world nearing it's end many people are unsure whether of  not they'll be able to attend the return, or even be alive.

"I don't think I can make it," Says Joe, a local merchant.

"The planets impending doom has just filled up my schedule and at the same time made it redundant." Joe's words seem to echo that of the general public.

"As this is my second return, I think the whole 'difficult second return' rule is in effect, " Joked the Messiah.

"I'm just hoping for some kind of miracle."

- Rebel News.

Some new rules..

The formation of the Rebel Yell’s glorious state has been a long time in the making, but our glorious leader assures you that everything is going to plan and us under control. He would also like to inform you of the following changes.

1.       City Hall is now to be referred to as Stu and Azza’s Hall of infinite super glory

2.       ABC’s Hungry Beast is now to be referred to as The Hungry Beast that eats everyone else’s jokes and digests them as their own shit.

3.       Recycled opinions are now illegal under our glorious revolution; everyone’s dialogue will be recorded and cross referenced against A Current Affair, Oprah, First year university texts and Hungry Beast. If your opinions are a replicate of these without accompanying independent thought and reasoning you will be asked to stop ‘reckoning’ things and grow a personality.

4.       Room 101 is undergoing maintenance, until further notice room 101 services can be found online at our government website, follow the prompts and please remember that we are watching.

Another bloggin blog

You're probably reading this thinking "Hey, this is Rebel Yell's third blog based blog! What a gip, i'm going to stop reading this right now." Well there's not much I can really do to sway you now because if you're a person of your word you aren't reading this, but if you are then your a pathetic liar, or you weren't thinking the said thought, in which case, i'll continue.

Sure, blogging is an easy way to get your views and opinions out there but blogging is also the future. It's the way forward in all things written (also pictures). As a self described wordsmith, dreamweaver, prophet and comedic genius, blogging is the best way for Rebel Yell to share our lives and humorous anecdotes to the greater public, the clued in individuals who are all 'hooked up' with the web and all 'with it' in regards to blogs, vlogs and youtube logs, and that's why Rebel Yell blogs, but mostly because it's easy.

We here at Rebel Yell do realise that their are lot of blogs out their that just don't deliver when in comes to entertainment, which is why we strive (and then deliver, but not necessarily in that order) to bring you the cutting edge of internet writing with our edutainment, laugh-as-you-learn system.

I bet you didn't know that up to 500% of blogs are statistically incorrect, but not Rebel Yell, we guarantee the truth, because the truth hurts and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and with strength comes power and with power comes great responsibility and...well I kind of lost my train of thought.

I can't make any promises that our future blogs won't be about blogging itself but I can promise that it won't. I know you'll keep reading our blogs, I can see it in your eyes, yes, that dead pixel on your screen is a microscopic spy camera, don't worry, I don't watch you all the time.

So, just to wrap it up, we'll be bringing you more hilarious blogs with many 'Ah yeah, that's totally true!' moments that i'm sure you'll become a fan of on Facebook.  'See' you next time.

Cheers, Rebel Yell.

The Quest for Employment

1.   Applying

The resume run is dead, trust me as soon as you give it to the teenage chick behind the counter to pass on to the manager you have resigned yourself to silent ridicule as you walk out the door. She will probably take it home and laugh at it with her friends; they think your resume sucks.

If you have sun burnt eyes and have typed your email address out 76 times today it is likely you’re applying for jobs online , or subscribing to paid surveys.

Are you perhaps a registered nurse? No? A doctor in engineering... of the heart? Well I doubt your having much luck, mm that call centre looks good, i’ll just go ahead and upload my resume... oh you want me to put in just a few details first?

Name

Surname

Nickname

Dogs name

Several stealth questions about your sexuality

Everything on your resume

Now you can upload the useless SOB.  Wait two weeks for resume to be processed before you get a wonderfully personal response.

We appreciate your interest in the position, as the number of applications for this job are huge we would appreciate it if you just chill out while we do absolutely nothing with your application.

Sincerely (yes a computer can be sincere) Mr. Corporate Douche

2.   Phone interviews

“Hello is Mr.Smith there?”

“Why yes that’s me how can I help?”

“Hi this is Janet from Job That You Applied For Inc, would now be a good time for a brief phone interview?”

“Oh... Sure” of course it’s the worst possible moment for a phone interview, you had a more than generous serving of liquorice curry last night and your stranded on the shitter without a sustainable supply of toilet roll.  You can’t tell them it’s not a good time, if you let them go now it’s back to step one where you have the same chances as the rest of those chumps in the testicle like sperm pool that is unemployment. You’re the lucky one, don’t blow it.  So now you have to convince some human recourses cow that you’re the right person for this job.  Good luck because chances are your shit on the phone, a  recent and unofficial survey by the Rebel Yell research team found that most people speak in a ridiculous high voice on the phone and also act 50% more surprised than in normal situations.

She can hear you pooing by the way.

3.   Group interviews.

This can be fun if you a sick minded freak like Kevin spacey in the movie 7even. This is what employers who think they are hip like to do to for their entertainment, its like putting all of the applicants in the coliseum.  Fight!

Rule 1: Don’t arrive early, it’s like a party not a normal interview, if you’re the first guy there you’re the guy the managers see first. Yes they are scrutinising you the longest. They hate you.

Rule 2. Don’t be the second person there, you will have to talk to the first guy and the managers hate him.

Rule 3: Once you have arrived (be the fourth person,) size up everyone else, look at that douche he is wearing a tie when nobody else is! Don’t be that guy. Check out all the other potentials, be quick to spot the joker, he will be talking to the nearest chick, most likely the frantic teen who finds him hilarious. Don’t sit near him once you are let in, his jokes will turn to sucky shit once the managers are present trust me.

Rule 4: Oh shit they are making you do a role play and you’re teamed up with the 50 year old man who appears to have walked in off the street but its okay because you can knock your partner out of the competition. Make them feel and look wrong footed, do something different to what you organised with the other person. They will stammer and look like a git.

Rule 5: And now it hits you... get out of there! You’re applying for a job with the kind of people that think group interviews are a good idea! Don’t stick around to shake the mangers hand, get out and don’t look back.

4.   The personal interview (Like Blade Runner but faster)

Like the group interview you may see other applicants here, size them up while you’re waiting, they seem to have brought folders for their CVs. What insecure dicks. Don’t carry your resume’s around, because if your interviewer  sees them they will see it the same way your partner would if she was to catch you in town with a bunch of hookers on your arm. If you don’t hang hundreds out of your fly, don’t hang resumes out of a folder. Ok it’s your turn to go in.

Shake hands; awkwardly stand until you think its okay to sit.

“So what qualifies you for this position?”

A: My incredibly generic resume

B: Jesus it’s walking dogs, i do that in my sleep... well half of it anyway

C: Well I think that in my past role as a bullshit artist I learnt that whatever the task given, one can always get through... the task... if you.. Try?

D:  Position? I’ll sue you you sick prick!

Okay so you have somehow managed to stumble through that.

“HR will be in contact with you shortly” says the interviewer, either with a warm smile and eye contact or with deliberate avoidance of eye contact and absent minded flicking of pages. Now you wait for the call if you get one it means you have the job! Hooray! If you don’t it means you didn’t, unless you get a different job, then you will get a call informing you of your success. Convenient.

5.   Induction, Probationary period... you’re the bitch.

You’re the goldfish in the bowl; you have been selected in wild excitement and are set up to dissolution your new owners like ...a goldfish. You’re on minimum wage and enjoy as much permanency as that poo stain on the back of the toilet bowl; you just don’t know how long you will be there.  Your name badge says trainee and your face says “when I serve you, you’re waiting twice as long because the guy next to me will be relayed all of your questions.” You are the middle man, customers laugh at you while you count their change. You’re the one stray olive in a salad bowl full of delicious lettuce (third bowl based reference, thanks guys we made it, I’d like to thank....)

Anyway now that you’re a trainee you can now start to realise that your managers aren’t normal people, if you’re in an office they laugh at Dilbert and find coffee interesting. If you’re in food retail they enjoy commercial radio at an unhealthy level, you will notice this when you know all the words to [insert new black eyed peas song] and start trying to convince yourself that Kings of Leon aren’t really that bad. Yep it’s like squinting at Sarah Jessica Parker, useless. You won’t start to feel human until you get a proper name tag and then it’s humanity at a high cost.

6.   Integration. Revelations.

You went ahead and took the blue pill, you’re in the matrix, you’ve slept with Trinity (you sick bastard,) you have work ‘friends’ who you hate. But you drink at the pub with them because they appear to have eaten your real friends. You’re in a vicious cycle; work took your daylight hours and made you tired in the night time ones. So you look at the losers you work with and realise that your becoming one of them, a loser. You know it’s all over when you go bowling with your manager and he pat’s you on the back in the gayest way possible, work took your sexuality, it gave you colossal goggles that make your ugly co-workers seem sexable. Yep you sexed Trinity and now you have to look at the pile of shit whenever you eat, also ‘she’ had a penis. Good luck with your new job... I hope your happy you miserable sod.

Perhaps now i am part of 'new media'

I see now what it takes to be a a j-blogger, I intentionally left the j un-capitalized because it highlights the cool informality of it all. We here at Rebel Yell, we have dipped our hand into the potentially enormous pot of gold that is the internet, blogosphere. Perhaps you were thinking, well I listen to these guys at home or in my car, but now i can read them 24 hours a day (content allowing). I hope you all realise the consequences of this, no longer is Rebel Yell stuck in this post world war 2 radio dust bucket. We are now trickling into your computer machines like so much liquid modernity. Don't be afraid, just stick your favorite body part through the hole in the wall and see what happens.