Rebel Yell Studies presents... Microwave Time.

 Microwave Time.

Now i'm sure we're all aware of the saying 'Time flies when you're having fun' but never has the flip-side of this well known saying been so true as with Microwave Time. Never has 3 minutes taken as long as it has to cook those noodles. Rebel Yell studies will explain this phenomenom as we throw all previous flawed time theories out the window, sort of.

If microwaves were around back then, this is what Abe would look like waiting for his pizza to re-heat.

Micro-what?!

The Microwave Oven was brought to our homes in 1967. It was designed as an alternate and much faster way to eliminate Gremlins than the conventional oven. It has become a household standard these days for it's convenience and ease of use, you could just trap a Gremlin in it, set it to around 2 minutes (depending on the size) and BOOM, dead Gremlin. Alternatively you could heat up food in it.

They HATE microwaves. 

 Why are we waiting?

Now it is true that the Microwave will heat things up quicker than the conventional oven but, you see, the Microwave works on it's own alternate time. The minutes on a Microwave countdown are even slower than that of a watched clock. 

For example, if you are cooking a pie at 3 mintues in the Microwave, you have time to use the toliet, have a drink, check facebook and pace impatiently and will still have 1.50 left on the countdown, where as if you had 5 minutes untill you needed to leave the house, taking a slash and grabbing a drink will have you leaving 5 minutes late! 

 How it works, probably.

What does this mean?

In an attempt to harness the phenomenom that is Microwave Time, Rebel Yell Studies had someone go to bed with a microwave on his bed side table and upon waking setting it to 30 minutes to see if his sleep in felt much longer. However, the subject never got back to us.

So at the moment there is nothing we can do with this strange occurence, maybe sometime in the future in the year 2019, but until then lets all just respect the magical Microwave and enjoy a delicious Microwave pork roast!

Note; microwave roasts not reccomended.

Meat! a few things you may not have known!!!

Once upon a time meat was unknown to the average Joe, like fulfilled election promises it remained but a rarity, a romantic idea that few ever saw become reality.  The history of how meat came crashing down onto the peoples plates in a bloody and glorious mess is an epic tale of revolution, both political and industrial.

Chicken Nuggets

You might have even forgotten about them but don’t worry they are here to stay.

Once upon a time chicken was spread uselessly around the bones of stupid and weak flightless birds such as chickens. It was Sir Adam McNugget, in 1805, who had the idea of compressing this ridiculous animal in to manageable bite sized holocaust. The story goes that when Sir McNugget thought it would be funny to put his most disliked factory laborer’s hand in some machinery it tore it into chunks that were easy to consume. The poor and starving laborer would testify to this later having been interviewed years after.  ‘I didn’t have any food, and there were these bits of my hand, slightly cooked by the machinery, it didn’t even matter that it consisted mainly of veins and pulpy flesh, in fact, that’s where all the charm was,’.

Sir McNugget immediately changed his Victorian chimney sweep factory into a streamlined chicken slaughter-fest, the rest as they say… is history.

Parmigiana

The story of how an Italian sauce found itself vomited upon ever corner pub side walk in the world.

It was when Sicilian born Salvatore Parmigiana killed all five of his thoroughly annoying sisters that he was sentenced to 3 weeks in prison, a sentence that he served four days of before making parole. Upon returning to his family home he saw that nobody had cooked him dinner, his mother was sick and the other women were dead. Having no experience in cooking he immediately killed every animal on the family farm as he could not decide which one would taste best, also he was Sicilian. After chopping each animal up into manageable sizes he poured a combination of canned tomato, garlic and cheese on top. When the police chief popped in, as he often did, he was invited to choose from chicken, beef or state witness Parmigiana. The rest as they say… is history.

Fish.

A chilling example of what can happen if all food came from the sea.

The fish is a cruel mistress, one minute it’s beer battered and sitting next to a soon to be tipped vat of salt, the next it’s standing in the way of your burger on good Friday, daring you to defy its indecipherable tradition. But few people know that fish comes from the sea, a place where, as far as our research can tell, has little in the way of cattle or guiness. Fish can also be found in Sushi but our research has also shown that you can’t enjoy sushi unless you are female or a male that wears a scarf.

The Burger

Scientists aren’t the only thing pilfered from Germany by the U.S

Everybody knows that the Third Reich was developing Hamburgers from the late 20s but the technology was impotent without American based sauce technology. When Professor Von Straussengerman fled war time Germany to escape prosecution at the hands of rationing. Hitler had ordered that only so much meat be allocated to warm sandwich based research, knowing his life’s research could be destroyed the professor contacted MI6. Immediately recognizing the potential power of such a device MI6 had him flown to a secret research centre in the U.S. When the burger hit American shelves the war was virtually over for the axis powers not having realized the commercial potential of such a thing.

More to follow!

Rebel Yell Studies presents...

The Lost Pick Theory.

Anyone who has ever played guitar, bass or other picked instrument will know the extreme frustration of dropping a pick, also known as a plectrum, and have it meld into the carpet or become lost deep under the bed/couch/desk. It is tortuous. The Lost Pick Theory, or LPT as it shall be referred to from now on, attempts to explain this painful phenomenon and it's workings.

LTP also explains the loss of any small dropped item, like; key's, remotes, nail clippers, mobile phones etc. The science is the same.

"Hang on, i'll just gra.. Oh what the fuck? I only just dropped it there!"

LTP

Stage 1: The Drop

The initial action of dropping the item is the most vital stage of the LPT. The position of landing and further movement is entirely dependant on one's vision of the object. If you are, at the time of dropping, looking at the item, said item will fall naturally and, more often than not, as expected. However, if said item is out of view, it will land in such a way that it will shoot off in a ridiculous fashion and continue on to the next stage.

LPT when item is in view

Stage 2: The Tumble

The tumble is the stage in which the item will venture forth from it's landing location. The item's size or weight has no bearing on it's tumble. Stress, frustration and necessity are the only relavent factors. If one is cool, calm, collected and/or in no hurry the tumble will be minor, however if the dropped item is your last pick, or something you need in a hurry, the tumble will be obscenely infuriating. The principal behind this is Murphy's Law (now officially deemed a 'science' in the Rebel Yell nation).

LTP when item is out of view

Stage 3: The Fumble

This stage only occurs after the fumble, and will not occur if the dropped item was in view. The fumble is the stage of trying to find where the dropped item has gotten too. It can last for quite a while depending on the victim. Though in most cases, accepting the loss is the most beneficial, health wise, solution as a tumbled pick will, 9 times out of 10, never be found again, and prolonged searching will only increase frustration and anger. Other dropped items will almost always show up, but will not be easily located.

 "I seriorsly doubt it would be all the way out h... Oh, there it is."

The actual permanent loss of pick's can be determined by the sub-theorum; Chameleon Pick Theory, CPT. However this does only count for plectrums.

Chameleon Pick Theory

Picks are infamous for being invisible to the human eye when on carpet. This is because all picks have a chameleon gene, and are capeable of changing the colour of themselves to match the surrounding carpet. They are the only shaped plastic object capeable of such a feat, and probably the only non-sentient or non-programmed thing able to do it at all.

See if you can spot the pick.

Yours truly, 

     The Rebel Yell science team.

Diaries of a Paragoomba.

 Griswald Junior's Diary
The Diary of a Paragoomba.

September 20th, 1988: 
     It's my first day at the B.A.T.C.G.D. That's the Bowser's Army Training Camp: Goomba Division. I've always wanted to be in the army, like my father, Griswald, who unfortunately was killed in action. Hit with a stray Koopa Troopa shell. It feels good to be here though, serving my overlord.

     Today we were all run through an obstacle course and given a bunch of forms to fill out. I wonder which division i'll be put in, they said we'd find out tomorrow, I can't wait to find out. I hope they put me in the Paragoomba squad, just like Dad.



September 20th, 1988:
     YES! I've been selected for the Paragoomba division. Father would be so proud. Tomorrow we get our wings and we begin our training course. All of the Para division are now together in the same barracks, i've met a couple cool Goomba's already. The goomba I share a bunk with is Gerhard, he's from Ice Land. He's nice but his Goomish is a little broken, it's pretty funny. Most of the other Goomba's are from Grass Land like me, but there's a couple from Pipe Land and Water Land too.



September 21st, 1988:
     I got my wings today, they're awesome. A couple of the goomb's have already started giving their wings a personal touch, for example Gary, he's a fast talking cool goomb from Grass Land, has drawn a naked Goomba girl on his wings with the words 'light brown and comin' down' underneath. I don't really get it, but it probably means something to him. Oh and the Sarge is a real hard-ass, but he's good at what he does.

October 3rd, 1988: 
     We've been training for nearly 2 weeks now, it's tougher than i'd imagined, but i'm keeping up great. We're doing lots of drops and jumps, i'm almost best in our group, though Gerhard is a little better, but I don't let him know that. The Sarge is giving all of us greif, but i'm sure he's proud of our progress.

The Sarge and I, running some drills.

October 6th, 1988:
     We'v all just been given notice that we will be serving as early as next month. It's a little frightening, I mean, we've not even had 3 weeks training, but if the sarge thinks we're up to it, I guess we must be. The other guys are a bit nervous too, Gerhard was just telling me the other day about how he's just had a kid with his new wife, Gerri, and that when he leaves the army he was gonna be a photographer. We've got a a couple weeks of hard training ahead of us, but i'm ready for it.

Some of Gerhard's artsy photography

October 16th, 1988:

      It turns out that we're leaving for duty in just one week! None of us expected this, not even the sarge, but we're now just learning about our objective, and what we've got to do. We're gonna be on patrol in a small area of Desert Land, near one of Bowser's castles. Word is that... Mario... is planning on heading through there soon. Just writing his name makes me so mad, because of him my father is dead. This is why I really joined the army. Revenge.

October 22nd, 1988:

     We're all packed up and ready to get on the plane tomorrow, we haven't had much time to prepare but we're ready.

October 23rd, 1988:

     Ok, we jump out of the plane in about 1 hour, so this'll be my last entry till we set up a command post after patrol, i'm ready to kick some Mario arse...

_____________________________________

BRAND NEW GAME OUT NOW! HEPATETRIS

CAN YOU PREPARE FOOD IN A FAECAL MATTER INVESTED ENVIRONMENT WITHOUT CAUSING WIDESPREAD HEPATITIS?

HEPATETRIS LETS YOU FIND OUT!
TRY TO CATCH ALL THE FOOD ITEMS IN ONE HAND AND STACK THAT PESKY FAECIES  IN THE OTHER!

JUST 7.99 FOR YOUR PHONE!

Rebel Yell presents: The Fairy Twins!

THE FAIRY TWINS!

The Fairy Twins is the latest movie from Rebel Yell productions.
Featuring Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and Vin Diesel, in this hilarious new comedy.  

Bubbo (Dwayne Johnson) and his twin fairy brother Zonk (Vin Diesel) have broken the sacred fairy rule, no abusing drugs and alcohol, and now they've been sent to the big city to complete a quest to prove their worth. The Fairy king (Jason Alexander) has told the Fairy Twins they must go and do 3 good things for the humans, only trick is, they can't reveal their true identity. Hilarity ensues! They get up to such things as trying to cross a busy road, trying to fit into today's modern society, also they try and change a nappy!

 Dwayne Johnson                                    Vin Diesel

When you're Fairy Twins not everything goes to plan!

Coming out 11/11/2011 (probably not)

Keep listening folks!

Every Sunday at 3 on edge radio 99.3fm

you can stream that shit

http://www.edgeradio.org.au/listen.php

Presidential Visit to Rebel Yell

The world is still shocked today after the astounding news that the President of soup will be visiting Rebel Yell on an official tour of the kingdom. President Fully Loaded Man will be arriving by super kayak (a ground kayak with a fan on the back) and will be expected to bring his minister for Elvis, that guy in the Elvis suit.

"It will be a meeting about soup essentially, I have many many fully loaded cans and they are just amazing," Said President Fully Loaded Man in a skydiving interview.

"We have much to discuss with the President," announced Super King of Rebel Yell, Azza " We need to know why not many of us really enjoyed chunky beef soup before and why it is so fucking good now," 

Experts believe that the Presidents international policy of being really cool and having a theme song teams up well with his domestic policy of being choc full of soup and meet and or pasta.

President Fully Loaded Man will be in Rebel Yell for three days before havin a go a pumpkin soup.

Big Bob-Omb

You might recognise this king amonst men from the Super Mario series. Which would make sense, as it's where he is from.

He is the boss, this being because he is A boss in the Super Mario 64 and Super Mario 64 DS.
He's also in Mario Party series, the Mario Kart series, Mario Golf series and Mario Baseball series.

And? You're saying. Why should I care?
Well, this is why.

Well Rebel Yell is proud to annouce that the Rebel Yell nation is installing him as;  
Minister for Education and Training, and 
Minister for Tourism. 
His positions may change through-out his tenure with the Rebel Yell government, as he has all the qualifications, these being; he is a king and he has an eff-ing sweet moustache.

I mean, just look at it. 

He also doesn't take any shit from Mario, or any of his pals for that matter.


Stay tuned for more on him at a later date.

What's so special about Newton?

Sir Issac Newton, he was a English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian (according to wikipedia anyway.) 

He is most commonly known for his discovery of gravity and his laws of motion.

Well, so what.
People praise him like he invented gravity, and many people actually think he did, but all he did was give something a name.

Gravity always existed, it wasn't like people were just floating around pre-5 July 1687, that's when he published Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, in which he first discussed gravity. 

I'm aware the book discussed a few thoeries and such but did it have to have such a pretentious name, I mean what's wrong with Isaacs big book about stuff he reckons, it's almost as long and doesn't make him sound like such a jerk.

By now you're probably thinking;
"Well, sure, I guess he didn't really 'discover' gravity, but look at his laws of motion or all the other good work he did."


Well his laws of motion were more of the same! Just naming stuff that happens that nobody else cared enough about to give names to. Then drew a few formulas.


"So    and that's how the laws of motion work!"

Pfft, get stuffed Isaac, you jerk!


  And that's gravity... apparently!



What a jerk!

And as for his other stuff he did! Well I don't really know what else he did, hang on a tic while I look at wikipdeia for a bit.
Take look at the pretentious bastard while you wait.

Sure he had a formula for everything, but check out that beak!

Here's something  I bet you didn't know, he was born prematurely, he was a small child; his mother Hannah Ayscough reportedly said that he could have fit inside a quart mug! That's only about 1.1 litres! Yeah, that's right, your hero was a tiny weak child at one point. What he was doing inside of quart mugs is anyones guess, mine is that it was for some sleezy reason.

He was also once engaged in his late teens to a Miss Storey, but what happened of that? Who knows, I bet he broke the poor gal's heart. Some genius, sounds like a cold-hearted prick to me.

He never ended up married, believed to be asexual. Too good for anyone else by the sounds of things.

Theory of gravitation, 

Theory of colour binomial theorem, 

Theory of finite differences, 

Theorem of revolving orbits, 

Theory of the Moon's Motion

and many more.

He sure had a lot of theories but have at look at his hair! What a douche.

You couldn't theorise that rug pretty!

So in short, Sir (how pretentious) Isaac Newton, is a big jerk. 

I've no doubt opened your eyes about this fraud. Fraudulent in the way that he is made to look like a hero, but is really a bell-end, not in the way that he stole other peoples ideas (but he probably did.)

There.

NEW AVATAR FACEBOOK APP!

Did you find James Cameron's Avatar both original and  engaging?
This might mean you had been living in an underwater cave until it's release and had never seen so many moving lights let alone a movie before.
But to celebrate the resounding success off poca-aliens-avatar we have designed a facebook ap to emulate the real experience of living on Pandora!

Here's some actual game play!

About as exiting as it is soul crushing inevitable that people would actually play it!

stay tuned for more!

The divine right of kings

We here at Rebel Yell are kings, kings that enjoy prosperous calf muscles and the occasional war on the continent with questionable intentions. But there are problems inherent with being a person with inherited

 rights in this twenty first century. And this is that they don't exist, sure in the context of Rebel Yell we can do what we like but our kingship is not recognised in fast food outlets when we demand to know where their prized beef comes from and why the peasants working that land are not paying taxes.

So we thought concessions needed to be made in this modern age. Therefore we have new divine rights for all those who are downtrodden kings in a world full of illustrious plebs. 

Down with the middle class!

Even socialists are pissed off at these guys, as soon as they cry 'lets over throw the bourgeoisie!' every single person that owns a four wheel drive and a Nintendo Wii turns around and says 'what the fuck you just say?'

How the hell can we have a good ol fashion Aussie working class if half of us are in cubicle's laughing a videos of retarded cats like every other country? No you don't deserve a farmers union or a cool draught because you don't do any work that requires sweat to be wiped off you brow.  We need more class structure and by that I mean  people that work and people that king .

Bring back Lords!

In the old days there were a majestic race of people they called lords, they would build a castle in the vicinity of your dwelling and all you had to do was to pay them the majority of your waking ours with backbreaking labour. Now if you want to build a castle you have to be crazy and German, getting planning approval alone would send your swanky middle class neighbours in a rage of fury, they will imagine they have a view that you might obstruct or say that star forts are to dominating for a cul-de-sac. That's the point!

City walls are the only way! 

Imagine it now that wizard that's been cursing your family all week is suddenly locked out of town. He has to try to curse the magical trolls guarding the gates but the trolls as we all know are impervious to magic as they don't exist. There are many uses for a wall, those fucking cyclists that clog up the roads with their sweaty environment saving spandex can just ride up along the wall. We would stop having to let Abba tribute bands in and we could tease neighbouring towns without fear of retribution.

There are many divine rights that we kings have but it needs to start with society. If these ideas can be addressed there will be more crowns going around then there are pop culture references about Justin Bieber. (Oh yes you see what I've done there)

World War 4 - 'I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. Albert Einstein US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)