The Magic of Rebel Yell.

The Rebel Yell Nation is known for many things, it's Space Program, The National Moustache Museum, The Worlds Largest Hammer, etc.

A true national monument.

But I bet you didn't know Rebel Yell is home to some of the most amazing magicians of all time.

With names like Gremlin Gates, Pazuzu, John 'The Magician' Smith (one the most creative and exciting magicians of all time, R.I.P, keep on chasing rainbows) and The King of the Wizards all residing here. It's no wonder that on the underground magician scene they call this place the 'Rebel Yell Nation'.

 

A brief history of Magic in Rebel Yell Nation.

In the early years of the Rebel Yell Nation any one found or believed to be practising magic was burned at the stake and had their ashes thrown into a swamp.

It wasn't until Sir. I. C. Nowe discovered that behind all this 'magic' was just sleight of hand and trickery, that the burning and ash-swamping law was changed. Now anyone found or believed to be practising is just avoided.

The burnings were quite the spectacle, often they would make the magicians wear a silly hat for more laughs.

Famous Magicians.

Rebel Yell, after the magician burning law was changed, became a quite famous for it's magicians when John 'The Magician' Smith burst onto the scene with his Coin-in-my-pocket trick, in which he would astound audiences by putting his hand into his pocket and removing a single coin. He would perform this on street corners to groups of people until he was found by entertainment manager Nerben Blampin, who despite his made up name, managed a few popular acts around Rebel Yell. It wasn't long before John Smith was performing in front of crowds of 10 or more. He had a large repertoire of magical tricks, but his signature was always his classic Coin-in-my-pocket trick, which to this day, knowboady can work out how he did it.

Out of his pocket! Can you believe it?

However, John Smith wans't the only famous magician to call Rebel Yell home, as previously mention Gremlin Gates, Pazuzu and The King of the Wizards all lived and worked in Rebel Yell. 

Gremlin famous for his dissapearing-pants routine, Pazuzu, his ability to drive manual cars without a license and the King of the Wizards famous for his work in the superb rock band, Sorcery.

The King of the Wizards mid-performance.

Magic has had a long and charred history in The Rebel Yell Nation, and it will has a longer future, unless of course another burning-magicians law is passed, and we can only hope.

Thanks for reading, 

Rebel Yell - Firearms, Alcohol, Tobacco and Magician History dept.


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Rebel Yell Justice! Have you seen this man?

NAME: Jesus Christ

OFFENSES: Terrorism, Fraud, Stealing by receiving and being the leader of a gang conspiring to commit crimes against the Roman Government. 

In his last days Jesus was a paranoid captain of a sinking ship, his whole operation falling around him "one of you will betray me" he said wildly at the last feast of the famous thirteen. Judas, a former member of the group is now a state witness, "He was losing the plot, he thought we could bring the Government down in Jerusalem, I knew we were fucked, it was him or me." 

Jesus was amassing a serious following but made crucial errors by way of his ego. "The son of god? king of the Jews? it's like that Beatles thing" said a former follower. When Jesus was apprehended a whole garrison was required to take him in, only one soldier suffered injuries, loosing an ear in a scuffle with a close disciple of Jesus'. 

Jesus was tried not by the Roman Government but by his own people who found him guilty on all counts. He was Crucified. We didn't know who we were dealing with. In an oceans eleven style ruse, Jesus was given heart slowing medication before being removed from the cross by guards on the inside of his operation. After a time of rest he had the boulder removed from his tomb and escaped. He was reported floating up to the heavens some weeks later. Some few hundred years later he was seen again, this time in Rome, he is believed to have killed Emperor Constantine and posed as him converting the entire empire to his will. Without the support of their various pagan gods the Roman way of life collapsed. 

Jesus is still a threat to your way of life, he has more followers now than he ever did, his corruption can invade your sexual freedoms, your sense of humor, your right to party which the beastie boys career died for, if you know anything about him please phone us at Rebel, Rome, we will avenge you.

Real Property, Real Real-Estate

Let me guess, a three bedroom house with a deck and a trampoline and your in heaven, you can file your children in their respective rooms and let them govern themselves by way of the internet and Morris dancing. However we here at rebel yell don't think you should have to walk out your door and see how much better your neighbors retaining wall is than yours, we think it's time you gave the old "house" the boot.

 Sorry Hugh, back to being Fry's bitch.

 

No we here at Rebel yell think that small and therefore weak, fear not though beautiful subjects. Freaks.

We have alternatives! 

Why not move you and ten mates into a share house, just replace "mates" with peasants and "share house" with STAR FORT

 

This is a STAR FORT available for sale in a safe neighborhood, why is it safe? because of the cannons of course! Don't like your neighbor? force him to work on your land! how? the cannons of course! 

This wonderful piece of historic big dickery is available for the low low price of Gibraltar! Do you own Gibraltar or an equivalent vital port? why not trade?

PORTUGAL

Are you in the market for a rental? Well Spain has released it's lease on Portugal and we here at Rebel Yell have bought it up, we will rent this wonderful part of Europe for 3 lengths of gravel a month. 

Do you hate the stupid face of your neighbor? imagine trading him/her for Spain, it's like mexico but rich!

Portugal has long been known for its intimate relationship with the sea, this will not be approved of as part of the new tenants agreement. 

Are you prone to long bouts of temptation from Satan or unbelievable meetings with Allah?

Well we have a wonderful natural style living space that can only be described as a cave. 

We have to say it is a renovators nightmare, if you try to extend a room in this domicile you will find out what the meaning of structure bearing stalactite is! Yours to own for several installments of Koran.

Keep posted for more great Rebel Yell Real Estate!

Deep Space Rebel (Yell)

 How the Rebel Yell Nation got into Space 

(and what we did there.)

Space, deep space.
Millions of galaxy, trillions of stars (give or take).
And a lone Spaceship, The Redel.

It's called The Redel because, well long story short, there was some miscommunication between us and the painters, we didn't have time to repaint, so it stuck.

Also we forgot to take a picture pre-take off, this is all we have:

I was like "Take it with the camera sideways, so you get a taller picture!" And he's all "Nah, this'll be right."

So I will give you a quick description of The Redel.

It was as phallic in nature, as it was in spirit. Two large spherical boosters on back, a long shaft-like, cylindrical body, and a hemisphere cock-pit at the front.

But there was nothing funny about this ship, (aside from it's resemblance to a cock) as it was extremely powerful and capable of the impossible light-speed. It could thrust through the vagina of space with precision and ease.

The Rebel Yell Space Program

Rebel Yell's space program is the one of the most expensive, extensive and expansive.

It has already begun moon colonization, and The Redel is the first deep space explorer craft ever.

The program was founded after The Superkings were persuaded (see; conned) into buying some moon property. Not long after, they realised the futility of this newly purchased land, and began The Rebel Yell Space Program, to make some use of their moon property, which they almost have. And with that the program continues to grow each and everyday.

 Rebel Yell owns pretty much that section.

What about The Redel?

The Redel has been exploring deep space for 5 years now, which might sound strange considering they were only launched 1 year ago. During their exploration they came across a 'ReTardis', which according to their explanation was a giant old English phone box, which they flew the ship straight into and re-emerged at the same place but 4 years earlier.

Having the power to go at warp speed has increased the possibilities of space exploration infinitely.

So The Redel has many a story. That of other life forms, amazing worlds, other cool stuff.

All of which will be revealed in the Blog series - The Redel.

So look out for it.

The Rebel Yell Space Program.

Hell ain't a bad place!

 So, you're thinking about going to hell?

 A helpful brochure brought to you by Hell and Rebel Yell.

Hell, everyone’s heard of hell, it’s where you burn for your sins, and you're tortured for eternity, also there’s heaps of fire!

Welcome!

Well despite what you’ve heard, Hell ain’t a bad place!

Hell gets a bad wrap, and no body wants to go there anymore, that’s why The Dark Lord, Satan, Beelzebub, Lucifer, Old Hob, The Prince of Darkness himself has decided to give the Underworld an image reboot!

A little known fact is that Ridley Scott's Legend is a perfect depiction of Satan.

 Frequently Asked Stuff:

“Working off my sins in eternal hell fire for all eternity sounds terrible!”

Well, that’s the old hell, now the forced labor works just like a full-time job on earth! You earn holidays, work steady hours and have recess and lunch breaks! (Overtime optional)

Now I can work off my sins and have a personal life!

 “Wow! But what about all the fire, is that still there, I hate the heat!”

Yes, the fire’s still there, but we now have Fujitsu Air Conditioners, Hell’s favourite air!
So the prettiness and illumination of the flame still remains, while you work at a comfortable temperature!

 Note: Fujitsu has no association with Hell or Rebel Yell whatsoever

“Hmm, sounds too good to be true, is there TV?”

Of course!
Featuring programs like:  

Cooking with the Antichrist
Two’s Company, Three’s Hell! 
Hey, Jesus! 
and 
The View!

 Ok, there is still a little bit of torture in Hell.

“I can’t wait to go to Hell! But what about my birthday?”

Funny you should ask, ever heard the expression ‘War is Hell’?
Well now it can be in one of five themed party rooms for birthdays and anniversaries!

The themes being:

War
Underwater (Satan’s personal favourite)
Prison
Post-Apocalyptic
and
Outer Space

Satan just can't get enough of the Underwater Theme Room!

“Sound’s great, I love Hell!”

Great stuff, kid!

What else can I do?

There are so many activities that you can participate in during your days off and spare time!

You can ‘burn’ off those extra pounds in the Hellfire Gym.

Play a selection of your favourite sports and recreate in the Sport and Recreation Area.

And so much more!

So next time you’re thinking about repenting on your deathbed, remember this pamphlet and consider coming ‘down town’ to The Underworld.

Hell, it’s where all the cool people go when they die!


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Jesus, you call that a miracle?

Jesus.

Some of you might know him from the bible, some of you might have seen him hanging from a wall in your local church but most of us know him from his 80's sitcom Hey, Jesus!

It was definitely a real show.

What did Jesus do?

Jesus, in his time with us on Earth, had some wacky adventures (watch Hey, Jesus! for more details) and on more than one occasion these began with or involved miracles. These weren't everyday 'bickering-couple-reconciles-for-child's-sake' or 'prostitute-sees-the-error-in-her-ways-and-becomes-a-lawyer' crap miracles, Jesus performed some pretty great miracles. This article will list 5 of his miracles that you might not know about.

I can't remember if I mentioned that he had heat-vision... anyway, he does.

What he did.

1. TURNS WATER INTO STEAM


Now everyone who watched Hey, Jesus! saw the episode when Jesus turned all the drinking water at his high school into wine, the scene when the Principal was drunk was a classic. 
It's a staple Jesus story, but little do people know before he was getting people drunk he was turning liquid water into a gas!
That's right, Jesus was turning regular everyday water into a hot mist using only a stove-top! It was Jesus' first big miracle but is often overlooked in place of number 2 on this list.

 You can't fake that.

2. TURNS WATER INTO ICE


Yes, another water based miracle, Jesus worked heavily with water early on in his career, it was kind of his shtick.
Jesus stunned and amazed the masses by taking a glass of fresh rain water and placing it in a freezer, a good few hours later it was frozen solid! Can you believe that? A lot of people at the time didn't, and assumed in the shows intermission, he was swapping out the water and replacing it with some pre-frozen ice. Many people were losing faith in him but this theory was debunked when someone sat and watched the whole thing, not leaving for a break once. The bored man confirmed it's validity and Jesus was again held in high regard.

 He may or may not have had anything to do with Ice-Cube.

3. FLOATS ON WATER


This was the predecessor to his walking on water miracle, and is an old favourite with many a fan, considered to be the best of his water miracles, though it was met with tragedy.
One warm morning Jesus waded his way into a lake, people slowly gathered as they new something was up. Jesus doggy paddled around a little and the to the amazement of the crowd, he spread his arms and legs and stayed afloat in the water. He laid on his back on the lake, bobbing with the ripples, where he remained for about a minute. On his return to the shore, people cheered and clapped him, Jesus took a bow and was thanking the people when someone cried out that there was a young boy attempting the float. Jesus spun around to see the boy flailing about.
"Noooooooooooooo!" Jesus yelled in slow motion, running back into the water, but it was too late, the boy had drowned. However it wasn't long until everybody forgot about the boy, and Jesus' miracle was celebrated further.

If only they had been watching the kid...

4. FINDS IMAGE OF SELF ON BURNT TOAST


One morning the small village of The Bible was woken to the sounds of Jesus yelling:
"Hey, come check this out!"
It was Jesus, so everyone did as ordered, no one wanted to miss the chance of another miracle. They were met with Jesus holding a slice of toast, which, upon further inspection, had an image of Jesus on it. It was amazing, everybody cheered, that is everybody but a small group of grouches who said that Jesus could of just scraped the picture onto the the toast with a knife. This caused a stir amongst fans, some believing he did, some not. It was his second controversial miracle. One accuser attempted to redraw the miracle toast picture but kept scraping off too much of the burnt bit and gave up saying:
"I guess it probably was a miracle."
And again, Jesus had all his fans back, they believed once more.

Actual Jesus toast, with a lamp behind it.

5. BEAT SKI-FREE


This is Jesus' third, final and most controversial miracle of all. Jesus finshed the (near) impossible game that is Ski-Free.
This miracle is so controversial as no one, other than Jesus, saw it happen. Now many people say it must be true, Jesus has no reason to lie, I mean he's turning water into ice for goodness sakes. Jesus says:
"Near the end I was going real quick and I hit a ramp right near the end and got over the yeti."
Seems legit enough, but some conspiracy theorists say that there isn't a jump near the yeti and the speed attainable on the slopes isn't sufficient to out run the Yeti.
So no one truly knows the legitimacy of this miracle, you just have to make up your own mind.

 What? You gonna say I didn't win? Look at this crown.

And there you have it, five miracles of Jesus you probably didn't even know.


Rebel Yell - Faiths and Pantheons Dept.