What's so special about Newton?

Sir Issac Newton, he was a English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian (according to wikipedia anyway.) 

He is most commonly known for his discovery of gravity and his laws of motion.

Well, so what.
People praise him like he invented gravity, and many people actually think he did, but all he did was give something a name.

Gravity always existed, it wasn't like people were just floating around pre-5 July 1687, that's when he published Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, in which he first discussed gravity. 

I'm aware the book discussed a few thoeries and such but did it have to have such a pretentious name, I mean what's wrong with Isaacs big book about stuff he reckons, it's almost as long and doesn't make him sound like such a jerk.

By now you're probably thinking;
"Well, sure, I guess he didn't really 'discover' gravity, but look at his laws of motion or all the other good work he did."


Well his laws of motion were more of the same! Just naming stuff that happens that nobody else cared enough about to give names to. Then drew a few formulas.


"So    and that's how the laws of motion work!"

Pfft, get stuffed Isaac, you jerk!


  And that's gravity... apparently!



What a jerk!

And as for his other stuff he did! Well I don't really know what else he did, hang on a tic while I look at wikipdeia for a bit.
Take look at the pretentious bastard while you wait.

Sure he had a formula for everything, but check out that beak!

Here's something  I bet you didn't know, he was born prematurely, he was a small child; his mother Hannah Ayscough reportedly said that he could have fit inside a quart mug! That's only about 1.1 litres! Yeah, that's right, your hero was a tiny weak child at one point. What he was doing inside of quart mugs is anyones guess, mine is that it was for some sleezy reason.

He was also once engaged in his late teens to a Miss Storey, but what happened of that? Who knows, I bet he broke the poor gal's heart. Some genius, sounds like a cold-hearted prick to me.

He never ended up married, believed to be asexual. Too good for anyone else by the sounds of things.

Theory of gravitation, 

Theory of colour binomial theorem, 

Theory of finite differences, 

Theorem of revolving orbits, 

Theory of the Moon's Motion

and many more.

He sure had a lot of theories but have at look at his hair! What a douche.

You couldn't theorise that rug pretty!

So in short, Sir (how pretentious) Isaac Newton, is a big jerk. 

I've no doubt opened your eyes about this fraud. Fraudulent in the way that he is made to look like a hero, but is really a bell-end, not in the way that he stole other peoples ideas (but he probably did.)

There.

The divine right of kings

We here at Rebel Yell are kings, kings that enjoy prosperous calf muscles and the occasional war on the continent with questionable intentions. But there are problems inherent with being a person with inherited

 rights in this twenty first century. And this is that they don't exist, sure in the context of Rebel Yell we can do what we like but our kingship is not recognised in fast food outlets when we demand to know where their prized beef comes from and why the peasants working that land are not paying taxes.

So we thought concessions needed to be made in this modern age. Therefore we have new divine rights for all those who are downtrodden kings in a world full of illustrious plebs. 

Down with the middle class!

Even socialists are pissed off at these guys, as soon as they cry 'lets over throw the bourgeoisie!' every single person that owns a four wheel drive and a Nintendo Wii turns around and says 'what the fuck you just say?'

How the hell can we have a good ol fashion Aussie working class if half of us are in cubicle's laughing a videos of retarded cats like every other country? No you don't deserve a farmers union or a cool draught because you don't do any work that requires sweat to be wiped off you brow.  We need more class structure and by that I mean  people that work and people that king .

Bring back Lords!

In the old days there were a majestic race of people they called lords, they would build a castle in the vicinity of your dwelling and all you had to do was to pay them the majority of your waking ours with backbreaking labour. Now if you want to build a castle you have to be crazy and German, getting planning approval alone would send your swanky middle class neighbours in a rage of fury, they will imagine they have a view that you might obstruct or say that star forts are to dominating for a cul-de-sac. That's the point!

City walls are the only way! 

Imagine it now that wizard that's been cursing your family all week is suddenly locked out of town. He has to try to curse the magical trolls guarding the gates but the trolls as we all know are impervious to magic as they don't exist. There are many uses for a wall, those fucking cyclists that clog up the roads with their sweaty environment saving spandex can just ride up along the wall. We would stop having to let Abba tribute bands in and we could tease neighbouring towns without fear of retribution.

There are many divine rights that we kings have but it needs to start with society. If these ideas can be addressed there will be more crowns going around then there are pop culture references about Justin Bieber. (Oh yes you see what I've done there)