God dammit put down your cups of ignorance and drink up some logic!

DON'T YOU REALISE?
HAVE YOU NOT FIGURED IT OUT?! THEIR HAVING A GO AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT THERE WITH FOAMY HAIR!!!

YEAH thats dam right!!! I know their secret!! You put this stuff in your hair everyday with the promise of decreasing dryness and manic depression. ITS ALL IN THE TITLE its SHAMPOO. Lets breakdown this word man.
SHAM
POO

Section 1 is the RIDICULOUS SHAM.
Bobby Soap hands and Jimmy Liquefy were sitting there talking about how sweet liquid soap is when they realised that there is a whole market of people out there who buy toothpaste with three colours in it because they actually think the colours represent something other than food dye!

IT is with the help of these people they decided that people would set aside a separate amount of money for what is essentially liquid soap with a different name. Except it goes in your hair.
It even goes to the extent where people would look at you crazy if you put hand soap in your hair. JUST BECAUSE YOUR PRECIOUS HAIR SOAP HAS FRUIT ON THE PACKAGING!

Section 2.
POO
The poo part of this is obvious because not only do they scam you with their ridiculous sham they rub it in your face with an exponentially increasing amount of arrogant ad campaigns that show golden orbs sinking into your hair. There are NO GOLDEN ORBS. Only soap, soap that washes your hair. THERE IS NO SCIENCE. Only soap, soap that has less a chance of bringing hair follicles back to life than it has at bringing Mr Jackson back to life.

And before I leave!
PAINKILLERS DO NOT TARGET SPECIFIC AREAS TO RELIEVE PAIN. THEY DRUG YOU.

THERMAL IMAGING THAT REPRESENTS FAT BEING BURNED IS NOT ACTUALLY SHOWING FAT BURNING, THEY ARE SHOWING WHICH AREAS ARE COLD AND WHICH AREAS ARE HOT, IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN HOT BEFORE YOU WOULD KNOW THIS IS MEANINGLESS. UNLESS YOUR PENIS/VAGINA LOSES TEN POUNDS EVERYDAY WHILE THE REST OF YOU STAYS CHUNKARIFFIC!

THIS HAS BEEN AN ARTICLE BY CRAZY STEVE

That guy.

Everyone knows 'that guy', he's the one who always takes it too far in every situation.

See, you've now just realized that you know a 'that guy'. 

"Fucksake, I just wanted a light"

Whether it be to start throwing punches in a wrestle, abuse a stranger or break a controller, 'that' guy' always takes it too far, anything you or someone normal has done and been silently deemed ok, or even maybe laughed at, 'that guy' see's it as his opportunity to increase his 'cool' standings within the group, but inevitably he takes things too far by instead of celebrating their winning hand in poker by cheering, they'll flip the table, break a window and take of their shirt, which has quite the opposite effect to had what they'd wanted to achieve, thus making them more 'un-cool' than not, which they will again try to get out of by taking something else to far. It's a vicious circle.

The mind of 'that guy' is a strange thing he see's victory in everything to be a step which he must climb to be cool, failure is something he can turn into a victory if he jokingly get's angry at his opponents and everyone has a laugh at how great 'that guy' is.

Unfortunately in reality his victory at all costs approach involves beating women and children at things like arm wrestling, eating more of something than anyone and spewing everywhere and loud abuse and/or touching you annoyingly until you give up. His ability to take things too far shines when ever he loses because in failure no one really thinks headbutting your opponent, smashing the tv and throwing the card deck out the window is all that funny but 'that guy' will do it anyway.

So if you're 'that guy' please think before you punch your keyboard or burp in someones face, that's actually HINDERING your chances of being liked.

But who am I kidding, you won't listen to this, anybody who's that guy is in worse denial than holocaust deniers.

And anybody who knows a 'that guy' (I know you all do) i'm sorry, but there's nothing short of rat poison tea and dumping the body in the ocean that can be done.

A breakdown of a night drinking.

Interview with a Phraser

Our prized interviewer catches up with Colin the master phrase maker.


Rebel - So you coin phrases for a living?

Colin - Does a bear shit in the woods? ha. yes of course he does.

Rebel - If the current trends in environmental change permits.

Colin - Yes in fact I coined the phrase 'to coin a phrase'

Rebel - Oh good. Sorry i'm a little unprepared, we were supposed to be interviewing John Elton but he died. Of Cholera. Unexpected.

Colin - So you've been thrown in the deep end, also one of mine.

Rebel - Ah, so it appears you take a lot of work home with you?

Colin - Ah, sorry?

Rebel - You know you take a lot of your WORK home with you...

Colin - I'm sorry i don't understand.

Rebel - Well you use a lot of phrases in every day life.

Colin - Yes I invent them.

Rebel - So sayings just come naturally for you?

Colin - Yes i'm a chip of the old block.

Rebel - So your father was in the business as well?

Colin - No he died when I was young.

Rebel - Is there any money in coming up with phrases?

Colin - Ha i have money coming out of the wazoo mate.

Rebel - So your wealthy then?

Colin - No i'm horribly poor, you see a wazoo doesn't exist, I came up with it in fact.

Rebel - I don't want to be a wet blanket but we aren't paying you for this interview.

Colin - Wet Blanket? can i use that?

Rebel - No it's already quite a common phrase

Colin - Well it sucks anyway,I just came up with a better one "damp blanket"

Rebel - Thats almost exactly the same thing.

Colin - I don't tell you how to do your job.

Rebel - You were telling me how to do it earlier before the interview, I was quite offended.

Colin - Alright, lets let bygones be bygones

Rebel - What is a bygone? I imagine some kind of two sided polygon.

Colin - It's a phrase, that I invented. Well if i'm not getting paid i'm out of here like a French hen.

Rebel - That didn't make any sense but thanks for coming on the show

Colin - Your out of sugar sachets.

A Graph of Being Five

Hungry Beast in a blogshell.

Tonight on Hungry Beast we deal with the big issues, take sides against evil media empires and give you loads of quotes other people said.



                                       “My visit to

                                Tawang is non-political

                               and aimed at promoting

                                universal brotherhood

                                and nothing else.” The

                                Dalai Lama, visiting the

                                disputed territory of

                                Tawang on the Indian-

                                   Chinese border

                                   “It is a funny thing

                                   with my family, but

                                   for the last 12 years

                                    I have always said

                                   I’m going to win the

                                 lottery.” Les Scadding

                      of Wales, 58, an unemployed mechanic,

                  who won £45.6-million ($79.8-million) in the

                 Euromillions lottery. He says he’ll treat his wife,

                   38-year-old Samantha, admitting that since

                      Christmas he has    been a “kept man”

                         because of a          scarcity of work

Rapists. Are they really all that bad? You decide, well, at least try anyway, this piece will leave you wondering what just happened? We'll bring up a delicate issue, interview people about it, and maybe even give you some 'facts'. This will leave you wondering, is "Hungry Beast a comedy show or a weak A Current Affair clone?", and if you work it out, tell us because we're not sure either!

What about big business eh.
$100,000,000,000 is the amount earned by some company.
$350,000,000,500 is the amount earned buy one guy.
$100 is a much smaller amount than the other two.
SHOCKING.
Down with corporations and government and all that stuff.

Some famous guy or something said something, we reckon that's pretty bullshit.




*insert more quotes made into a picture*


So guys, that's all we had time for today go onto our website and send us more stories to get quotes about or send in your shit videos. Bye!