Real Property, Real Real-Estate

Let me guess, a three bedroom house with a deck and a trampoline and your in heaven, you can file your children in their respective rooms and let them govern themselves by way of the internet and Morris dancing. However we here at rebel yell don't think you should have to walk out your door and see how much better your neighbors retaining wall is than yours, we think it's time you gave the old "house" the boot.

 Sorry Hugh, back to being Fry's bitch.

 

No we here at Rebel yell think that small and therefore weak, fear not though beautiful subjects. Freaks.

We have alternatives! 

Why not move you and ten mates into a share house, just replace "mates" with peasants and "share house" with STAR FORT

 

This is a STAR FORT available for sale in a safe neighborhood, why is it safe? because of the cannons of course! Don't like your neighbor? force him to work on your land! how? the cannons of course! 

This wonderful piece of historic big dickery is available for the low low price of Gibraltar! Do you own Gibraltar or an equivalent vital port? why not trade?

PORTUGAL

Are you in the market for a rental? Well Spain has released it's lease on Portugal and we here at Rebel Yell have bought it up, we will rent this wonderful part of Europe for 3 lengths of gravel a month. 

Do you hate the stupid face of your neighbor? imagine trading him/her for Spain, it's like mexico but rich!

Portugal has long been known for its intimate relationship with the sea, this will not be approved of as part of the new tenants agreement. 

Are you prone to long bouts of temptation from Satan or unbelievable meetings with Allah?

Well we have a wonderful natural style living space that can only be described as a cave. 

We have to say it is a renovators nightmare, if you try to extend a room in this domicile you will find out what the meaning of structure bearing stalactite is! Yours to own for several installments of Koran.

Keep posted for more great Rebel Yell Real Estate!

God dammit put down your cups of ignorance and drink up some logic!

DON'T YOU REALISE?
HAVE YOU NOT FIGURED IT OUT?! THEIR HAVING A GO AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT THERE WITH FOAMY HAIR!!!

YEAH thats dam right!!! I know their secret!! You put this stuff in your hair everyday with the promise of decreasing dryness and manic depression. ITS ALL IN THE TITLE its SHAMPOO. Lets breakdown this word man.
SHAM
POO

Section 1 is the RIDICULOUS SHAM.
Bobby Soap hands and Jimmy Liquefy were sitting there talking about how sweet liquid soap is when they realised that there is a whole market of people out there who buy toothpaste with three colours in it because they actually think the colours represent something other than food dye!

IT is with the help of these people they decided that people would set aside a separate amount of money for what is essentially liquid soap with a different name. Except it goes in your hair.
It even goes to the extent where people would look at you crazy if you put hand soap in your hair. JUST BECAUSE YOUR PRECIOUS HAIR SOAP HAS FRUIT ON THE PACKAGING!

Section 2.
POO
The poo part of this is obvious because not only do they scam you with their ridiculous sham they rub it in your face with an exponentially increasing amount of arrogant ad campaigns that show golden orbs sinking into your hair. There are NO GOLDEN ORBS. Only soap, soap that washes your hair. THERE IS NO SCIENCE. Only soap, soap that has less a chance of bringing hair follicles back to life than it has at bringing Mr Jackson back to life.

And before I leave!
PAINKILLERS DO NOT TARGET SPECIFIC AREAS TO RELIEVE PAIN. THEY DRUG YOU.

THERMAL IMAGING THAT REPRESENTS FAT BEING BURNED IS NOT ACTUALLY SHOWING FAT BURNING, THEY ARE SHOWING WHICH AREAS ARE COLD AND WHICH AREAS ARE HOT, IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN HOT BEFORE YOU WOULD KNOW THIS IS MEANINGLESS. UNLESS YOUR PENIS/VAGINA LOSES TEN POUNDS EVERYDAY WHILE THE REST OF YOU STAYS CHUNKARIFFIC!

THIS HAS BEEN AN ARTICLE BY CRAZY STEVE

Ivan Canright's First Book!

A brand new author, Ivan Canright, straight out of year 10 English has published his first full length short story 'The tale of a man with a flower in his breast pocket' with Rebel Yell Publishing.


Here is an excerpt from Canright's first piece.


"The man stood quite still on the side of the old English cobbled road, he was wearing a brownish, grey fedora hat which sat atop his mousy brown hair that wasn't quite shoulder length but nearly was, also it was a little bit curly, more wavy if anything. His shirt was an off white, possibly due to it's age, as it was quite an old shirt, and it had a breast pocket, this breast pocket contained a small white flower, it wasn't all that obvious as it was almost the same colour as the shirt on which it resided. He was also wearing pants, they were normal.
The man, who's name wasn't very interesting, saw a woman. The woman was wearing..."

- I. Canright 

With blazing reviews such as;

"Ivan is always on time and never missed a class" - Mr. Smope, Maths Teacher

"He has an adequate grasp on the english language and always approached creative writing with enthusiasm" - Mr. Bell, English Teacher

"I'm not sure what you're getting at..." -  Dan Brown, Pillock, "Author"



A story full of overly explained, unnecessary sentences with very little actual substance, a classic year 10 creative writing masterpiece.


Don't miss out! Buy this full length short story today!
Only $35.99 from all small family owned, local bookstores.

A chilling look into the situation of homelessness in Australian cities.

So you’re on the run from the government! This means you have..

A:  Uncovered the Australian government’s dark secret regarding Mafia Wars, the game we all know and love from Facebook.

B: Been slingshoting your way around the nation’s capital with a combination of grapple and parachute.

C: found out the truth about boat people (they are actually a sentient race of boats)

D:  Discovered that the new porn blocker is just a questionnaire. (Are you a paedophile? if yes please select yes)

We all know that by now you should have donned a foil hat, this is common knowledge. We don’t want those satellites zooming in on your brainwaves man. But there are further requirements.

ROLL IN SOME MUD.

Nobody will take you seriously unless you look like you have been fighting for your life, if your in clean clothes and smell nice people will not think you authentic, you are running from the government here, blend in.

DON’T BUY ANYTHING

You can’t risk buying food over the counter; you can find discarded food in bins and at food courts. You will require alcohol to keep you warm however, send someone in to buy it for you, make sure you call them sonny Jim or they won’t do you this favour.

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR STORY

You need to spread the word but stopping people and telling them is too inefficient, why not just tell your story on loop while walking down the street to nobody in particular, this way heaps of people will get a snippet of your story. Also make sure you mumble it, this will intrigue listeners and you will draw them in.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS SAFE FROM SATELITES

A good method to avoid capture is to hop on a bus or tram and ride it all day without getting off, remember to sit next to someone even if there are free seats, offer them your story but make sure you start with the middle of your story otherwise they won’t understand.

GROW YOUR FACIAL HAIR

Nothing is more welcoming than a full beard, whether you are male or female you can’t go wrong, government spies won’t recognise you.

GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE

Remember to bless those who listen to you and give you change. You need to raise money for your cause and if you don’t bless them with god’s protection they will fall prey to the evils of the government.

I hope this advice leads you safely from the darkness of the government, all there is to say now is good luck and godless you sonny Jim.

An album made just for you!

THAT’S right kids! Rebel yell has entered the music industry, and have we got some offers for you!
Do we?
Yes.
Rebel Yell Records will tailor an album based on your life for just $69.99! Here’s a startling review of the album about you that’s making headlines around this blog!

“Well to start with the centrepiece of the album, that eight minute epic about the first time you had sex was just brilliant, I mean before that it was mainly solos, this became depressing after a while. Oh except for that duet with your uncle... that was just weird.”

Wow looks like your life is messed up! Makes for a good album though!

An Album about You! $69.99

A breakdown of a night drinking.

A brand new horror/romance to distract teenage girls with!

Rebel Yell is proud to announce its first teen novel!

Beyond the Grey Cave is a shocking and modern masterpiece that highlights the difficulties of teen romance.

When Stacy Green falls in love with a strikingly hansom vampire bat she knows she will not be accepted by her friends and family. But the forbidden couple realise that true love can never cave in.

"Stacy ran ridiculously towards Frankie the bat, this startled him so he flew away. Stacy was sick of this hard to get routine, she just wanted Frankie, even though he was a bat, she did't care.

"I don't care." She stated to herself quietly but with speech marks anyway.

One thing was for sure, her sewing and cake baking would have to take a side line, in fact she had no time for anything that teenage girls like doing, she was too in love with Frankie. 

Beyond the Grey Cave $29.99

Non Fiction Choose your own adventure!

Europe’s un- civil war

The choose your own adventure non-fiction book!

“Hitler’s growing self importance led him to over- rule his experienced Generals, this led to....”

If you think that this ultimately led to an unwinnable war against the people of Russia turn to page 40.

If you think that this led to the USA’s intervention leading to Red off Band of Brothers personally killing all of the Nazis turn to page 44.

If you think that this led to the unfortunate misconception of Nazi aggression, mostly agitated by Jewish conspirators you are David Irving. Go away.