NEW AVATAR FACEBOOK APP!

Did you find James Cameron's Avatar both original and  engaging?
This might mean you had been living in an underwater cave until it's release and had never seen so many moving lights let alone a movie before.
But to celebrate the resounding success off poca-aliens-avatar we have designed a facebook ap to emulate the real experience of living on Pandora!

Here's some actual game play!

About as exiting as it is soul crushing inevitable that people would actually play it!

stay tuned for more!

God dammit put down your cups of ignorance and drink up some logic!

DON'T YOU REALISE?
HAVE YOU NOT FIGURED IT OUT?! THEIR HAVING A GO AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIT THERE WITH FOAMY HAIR!!!

YEAH thats dam right!!! I know their secret!! You put this stuff in your hair everyday with the promise of decreasing dryness and manic depression. ITS ALL IN THE TITLE its SHAMPOO. Lets breakdown this word man.
SHAM
POO

Section 1 is the RIDICULOUS SHAM.
Bobby Soap hands and Jimmy Liquefy were sitting there talking about how sweet liquid soap is when they realised that there is a whole market of people out there who buy toothpaste with three colours in it because they actually think the colours represent something other than food dye!

IT is with the help of these people they decided that people would set aside a separate amount of money for what is essentially liquid soap with a different name. Except it goes in your hair.
It even goes to the extent where people would look at you crazy if you put hand soap in your hair. JUST BECAUSE YOUR PRECIOUS HAIR SOAP HAS FRUIT ON THE PACKAGING!

Section 2.
POO
The poo part of this is obvious because not only do they scam you with their ridiculous sham they rub it in your face with an exponentially increasing amount of arrogant ad campaigns that show golden orbs sinking into your hair. There are NO GOLDEN ORBS. Only soap, soap that washes your hair. THERE IS NO SCIENCE. Only soap, soap that has less a chance of bringing hair follicles back to life than it has at bringing Mr Jackson back to life.

And before I leave!
PAINKILLERS DO NOT TARGET SPECIFIC AREAS TO RELIEVE PAIN. THEY DRUG YOU.

THERMAL IMAGING THAT REPRESENTS FAT BEING BURNED IS NOT ACTUALLY SHOWING FAT BURNING, THEY ARE SHOWING WHICH AREAS ARE COLD AND WHICH AREAS ARE HOT, IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN HOT BEFORE YOU WOULD KNOW THIS IS MEANINGLESS. UNLESS YOUR PENIS/VAGINA LOSES TEN POUNDS EVERYDAY WHILE THE REST OF YOU STAYS CHUNKARIFFIC!

THIS HAS BEEN AN ARTICLE BY CRAZY STEVE

A chilling look into the situation of homelessness in Australian cities.

So you’re on the run from the government! This means you have..

A:  Uncovered the Australian government’s dark secret regarding Mafia Wars, the game we all know and love from Facebook.

B: Been slingshoting your way around the nation’s capital with a combination of grapple and parachute.

C: found out the truth about boat people (they are actually a sentient race of boats)

D:  Discovered that the new porn blocker is just a questionnaire. (Are you a paedophile? if yes please select yes)

We all know that by now you should have donned a foil hat, this is common knowledge. We don’t want those satellites zooming in on your brainwaves man. But there are further requirements.

ROLL IN SOME MUD.

Nobody will take you seriously unless you look like you have been fighting for your life, if your in clean clothes and smell nice people will not think you authentic, you are running from the government here, blend in.

DON’T BUY ANYTHING

You can’t risk buying food over the counter; you can find discarded food in bins and at food courts. You will require alcohol to keep you warm however, send someone in to buy it for you, make sure you call them sonny Jim or they won’t do you this favour.

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR STORY

You need to spread the word but stopping people and telling them is too inefficient, why not just tell your story on loop while walking down the street to nobody in particular, this way heaps of people will get a snippet of your story. Also make sure you mumble it, this will intrigue listeners and you will draw them in.

PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS SAFE FROM SATELITES

A good method to avoid capture is to hop on a bus or tram and ride it all day without getting off, remember to sit next to someone even if there are free seats, offer them your story but make sure you start with the middle of your story otherwise they won’t understand.

GROW YOUR FACIAL HAIR

Nothing is more welcoming than a full beard, whether you are male or female you can’t go wrong, government spies won’t recognise you.

GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE

Remember to bless those who listen to you and give you change. You need to raise money for your cause and if you don’t bless them with god’s protection they will fall prey to the evils of the government.

I hope this advice leads you safely from the darkness of the government, all there is to say now is good luck and godless you sonny Jim.

An album made just for you!

THAT’S right kids! Rebel yell has entered the music industry, and have we got some offers for you!
Do we?
Yes.
Rebel Yell Records will tailor an album based on your life for just $69.99! Here’s a startling review of the album about you that’s making headlines around this blog!

“Well to start with the centrepiece of the album, that eight minute epic about the first time you had sex was just brilliant, I mean before that it was mainly solos, this became depressing after a while. Oh except for that duet with your uncle... that was just weird.”

Wow looks like your life is messed up! Makes for a good album though!

An Album about You! $69.99

That guy.

Everyone knows 'that guy', he's the one who always takes it too far in every situation.

See, you've now just realized that you know a 'that guy'. 

"Fucksake, I just wanted a light"

Whether it be to start throwing punches in a wrestle, abuse a stranger or break a controller, 'that' guy' always takes it too far, anything you or someone normal has done and been silently deemed ok, or even maybe laughed at, 'that guy' see's it as his opportunity to increase his 'cool' standings within the group, but inevitably he takes things too far by instead of celebrating their winning hand in poker by cheering, they'll flip the table, break a window and take of their shirt, which has quite the opposite effect to had what they'd wanted to achieve, thus making them more 'un-cool' than not, which they will again try to get out of by taking something else to far. It's a vicious circle.

The mind of 'that guy' is a strange thing he see's victory in everything to be a step which he must climb to be cool, failure is something he can turn into a victory if he jokingly get's angry at his opponents and everyone has a laugh at how great 'that guy' is.

Unfortunately in reality his victory at all costs approach involves beating women and children at things like arm wrestling, eating more of something than anyone and spewing everywhere and loud abuse and/or touching you annoyingly until you give up. His ability to take things too far shines when ever he loses because in failure no one really thinks headbutting your opponent, smashing the tv and throwing the card deck out the window is all that funny but 'that guy' will do it anyway.

So if you're 'that guy' please think before you punch your keyboard or burp in someones face, that's actually HINDERING your chances of being liked.

But who am I kidding, you won't listen to this, anybody who's that guy is in worse denial than holocaust deniers.

And anybody who knows a 'that guy' (I know you all do) i'm sorry, but there's nothing short of rat poison tea and dumping the body in the ocean that can be done.

A breakdown of a night drinking.

A brand new horror/romance to distract teenage girls with!

Rebel Yell is proud to announce its first teen novel!

Beyond the Grey Cave is a shocking and modern masterpiece that highlights the difficulties of teen romance.

When Stacy Green falls in love with a strikingly hansom vampire bat she knows she will not be accepted by her friends and family. But the forbidden couple realise that true love can never cave in.

"Stacy ran ridiculously towards Frankie the bat, this startled him so he flew away. Stacy was sick of this hard to get routine, she just wanted Frankie, even though he was a bat, she did't care.

"I don't care." She stated to herself quietly but with speech marks anyway.

One thing was for sure, her sewing and cake baking would have to take a side line, in fact she had no time for anything that teenage girls like doing, she was too in love with Frankie. 

Beyond the Grey Cave $29.99

Interview with a Phraser

Our prized interviewer catches up with Colin the master phrase maker.


Rebel - So you coin phrases for a living?

Colin - Does a bear shit in the woods? ha. yes of course he does.

Rebel - If the current trends in environmental change permits.

Colin - Yes in fact I coined the phrase 'to coin a phrase'

Rebel - Oh good. Sorry i'm a little unprepared, we were supposed to be interviewing John Elton but he died. Of Cholera. Unexpected.

Colin - So you've been thrown in the deep end, also one of mine.

Rebel - Ah, so it appears you take a lot of work home with you?

Colin - Ah, sorry?

Rebel - You know you take a lot of your WORK home with you...

Colin - I'm sorry i don't understand.

Rebel - Well you use a lot of phrases in every day life.

Colin - Yes I invent them.

Rebel - So sayings just come naturally for you?

Colin - Yes i'm a chip of the old block.

Rebel - So your father was in the business as well?

Colin - No he died when I was young.

Rebel - Is there any money in coming up with phrases?

Colin - Ha i have money coming out of the wazoo mate.

Rebel - So your wealthy then?

Colin - No i'm horribly poor, you see a wazoo doesn't exist, I came up with it in fact.

Rebel - I don't want to be a wet blanket but we aren't paying you for this interview.

Colin - Wet Blanket? can i use that?

Rebel - No it's already quite a common phrase

Colin - Well it sucks anyway,I just came up with a better one "damp blanket"

Rebel - Thats almost exactly the same thing.

Colin - I don't tell you how to do your job.

Rebel - You were telling me how to do it earlier before the interview, I was quite offended.

Colin - Alright, lets let bygones be bygones

Rebel - What is a bygone? I imagine some kind of two sided polygon.

Colin - It's a phrase, that I invented. Well if i'm not getting paid i'm out of here like a French hen.

Rebel - That didn't make any sense but thanks for coming on the show

Colin - Your out of sugar sachets.

Non Fiction Choose your own adventure!

Europe’s un- civil war

The choose your own adventure non-fiction book!

“Hitler’s growing self importance led him to over- rule his experienced Generals, this led to....”

If you think that this ultimately led to an unwinnable war against the people of Russia turn to page 40.

If you think that this led to the USA’s intervention leading to Red off Band of Brothers personally killing all of the Nazis turn to page 44.

If you think that this led to the unfortunate misconception of Nazi aggression, mostly agitated by Jewish conspirators you are David Irving. Go away.